雅思搞笑故事 31：考试日仪式感，我提前三小时到考场带了十支铅笔穿红内裤
雅思考试日，我的仪式感比考试本身还复杂。
早上五点半，闹钟响了。考试九点开始，别人六点半起就够了。
但我五点半就起了。
因为我要检查装备。
桌上摆着：十支HB铅笔，两支橡皮，一个削笔刀，一张准考证，一张身份证，一瓶水，一块巧克力，一条纸巾。
我数了三遍铅笔。十支。没错。
为什么带十支？因为万一第一支断了，第二支断了，第三支削笔刀坏了，第四支——
朋友说我疯了。"你就带两支笔进去，够了。"
"万一呢？"
"万一什么？"
"万一两支都断了呢？"
朋友说："那你就借啊。"
"雅思考试不能借东西。监考老师会把你赶出去。"
朋友闭嘴了。
六点，我穿上了红色内裤。
女朋友看到了，表情很复杂。"你为什么穿红色内裤？"
"求好运。"
"红色内裤跟雅思有什么关系？"
"我上次穿红色内裤，听力对了三十四个。"
"那是因为你练了一个月。"
"不，是红色内裤的功劳。"
她翻了个白眼，没再说话。
六点半，我出门了。考场离家开车二十分钟。但我六点半就出发了。
为什么？因为我要提前三小时到。
朋友说："你九点考试，六点半出门太早了。"
"不行，"我说，"我要提前到考场，熟悉环境，找到座位，试一下耳机，检查一下桌子有没有坑，椅子晃不晃。"
"你是去考试还是去勘察地形？"
"都是。"
七点，我到了考场。考场大门还没开。
我站在门口，像一个站岗的士兵。
七点半，陆续有考生来了。有人打着哈欠，有人背着大书包，有人还在背单词。
我站在门口，精神抖擞，像一个即将上战场的将军。
八点，门开了。我第一个冲进去，找到自己的座位，坐下，戴上耳机试音。
听力测试开始前，我已经把十支铅笔按顺序排好了：一号笔写Section 1，二号笔写Section 2，三号笔写Section 3，四号笔写Section 4。
为什么要换笔？因为不同Section用不同的笔，这是仪式感。
旁边的考生看了我一眼，又看了一眼我桌上的十支铅笔，默默把自己的两支笔收了起来。
听力开始了。我紧张得手心出汗。但没关系，我带了纸巾。
阅读开始了。我按照平时的顺序：先看标题，读每段首尾句，然后做题。
写作开始了。我先写Task 2，因为分高。然后写Task 1。
一切都在我的计划中。
考完出来，女朋友问我："考得怎么样？"
我说："阅读第三篇有点难。"
她问："那红色内裤呢？"
我想了想。"红色内裤还是起作用的。听力Section 3我全对了。"
"你要不要这么迷信？"
"不是迷信，"我严肃地说，"这是仪式感。心理学叫锚定效应。穿红色内裤，大脑就知道'今天要考试了'，进入状态。"
"那你下次考试还穿吗？"
"穿。而且我要带十二支铅笔。上次十支不够，我应该多带两支备用。"
女朋友看着我，缓缓地说："你知道吗，你现在最需要的不是更多铅笔，是一个正常的睡眠。"
我想反驳。但我突然意识到，我确实五点半就起了，现在已经困得不行了。
但我还是嘴硬："睡眠不重要。铅笔才重要。"
——雅思考试日最荒诞的真相：你带了十支铅笔、穿了红色内裤、提前三小时到考场，但真正决定你分数的，是你那一个月有没有真的练题。不过话说回来，红色内裤真的挺灵的。
English Version
On IELTS exam day, my rituals were more elaborate than the exam itself.
My alarm went off at 5:30. The exam starts at 9. Most people would wake up at 6:30.
But I woke up at 5:30.
Because I had to check my gear.
On the desk: ten HB pencils, two erasers, a pencil sharpener, my admission ticket, my ID, a bottle of water, a chocolate bar, and a pack of tissues.
I counted the pencils three times. Ten. Correct.
Why ten? Because what if the first one breaks, and the second one breaks, and the third one's sharpener fails, and the fourth one—
My friend said I was crazy. "Just bring two pencils. That's enough."
"What if something happens?"
"Like what?"
"What if both break?"
My friend said, "Then you can borrow one."
"You can't borrow things in the IELTS exam. The invigilator will kick you out."
My friend shut up.
At six, I put on red underwear.
My girlfriend saw me and looked complicated. "Why are you wearing red underwear?"
"Good luck."
"What does red underwear have to do with IELTS?"
"Last time I wore red underwear, I got 34 on the listening."
"That's because you practised for a month."
"No, it was the red underwear."
She rolled her eyes and didn't say anything else.
At 6:30, I left home. The test centre was a 20-minute drive away. But I left at 6:30.
Why? Because I wanted to arrive three hours early.
My friend said, "Your exam starts at nine. Leaving at 6:30 is way too early."
"No," I said. "I need to get to the centre early, familiarise myself with the environment, find my seat, test the headphones, check whether the desk has any dents, and whether the chair wobbles."
"Are you taking the test or scouting the battlefield?"
"Both."
At seven, I arrived at the test centre. The doors weren't open yet.
I stood at the entrance like a sentry.
At 7:30, other candidates started arriving. Some were yawning, some carried huge backpacks, some were still memorising vocabulary.
I stood at the entrance, wide awake, like a general about to go into battle.
At eight, the doors opened. I was the first one in, found my seat, sat down, and put on the headphones to test the sound.
Before the listening started, I had arranged the ten pencils in order: pencil number one for Section 1, number two for Section 2, number three for Section 3, number four for Section 4.
Why switch pencils? Because using a different pencil for each Section — that's ritual.
The candidate next to me glanced at me, then glanced at my ten pencils on the desk, and silently tucked their own two pencils away.
Listening started. I was so nervous my palms sweated. But no problem — I brought tissues.
Reading started. I followed my routine: read the title, read the first and last sentence of each paragraph, then do the questions.
Writing started. I did Task 2 first because it's worth more. Then Task 1.
Everything went according to plan.
I came out of the exam, and my girlfriend asked, "How did it go?"
I said, "The third reading passage was a bit hard."
She asked, "And the red underwear?"
I thought about it. "The red underwear worked. I got everything right in Listening Section 3."
"Are you really this superstitious?"
"It's not superstition," I said seriously. "It's ritual. Psychology calls it anchoring. Wearing red underwear tells your brain 'it's exam day,' and you get into the zone."
"Are you going to wear it next time too?"
"Absolutely. And I'm bringing twelve pencils. Last time ten wasn't enough — I should have brought two extra."
My girlfriend looked at me and said slowly, "You know what you need more than more pencils? A normal night's sleep."
I wanted to argue. But then I realised — I had woken up at 5:30, and now I was exhausted.
But I still insisted, "Sleep isn't important. Pencils are."
— The absurd truth about IELTS exam day: you bring ten pencils, wear red underwear, and arrive three hours early, but what actually determines your score is whether you actually practised for a month. Then again... the red underwear really did work.
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