雅思搞笑故事 18：表格题做太多，我把微信好友整理成了一张雅思表格
练了两周的 table completion，我对"表格"这两个字产生了PTSD。
同学聚会，刚坐下，老王开始介绍自己："我，三十五，互联网，年薪五十万——"
我下意识掏出手机，打开备忘录。
列一：Name。老王。 列二：Age。35。 列三：Occupation。Internet。 列四：Salary。500,000。
"你干嘛呢？"老王问。
"填表，"我说，"你继续。"
"我继续什么？"
"婚姻状况。"
老王愣了一下："……已婚，有个女儿。"
我在第五列写下：Marital status: married。第六列：Children: 1 daughter。
这时候老李坐过来了。"老王，你可别吹了，你那不叫互联网，叫送外卖——"
我立刻新建一行。
Name: 老李。Age: ？
我抬头看他："你多大？"
"四十二。你问这个干嘛？"
Occupation: 自雇。Salary: ？
"你一个月挣多少？"我追问。
老李警觉地看着我："你查户口呢？"
Table completion 的核心规则：答案必须来自原文，不能编造。原文没说，就空着。我在 Salary 那一栏画了个横线，标注"NOT GIVEN"。
饭局过半，我面前已经多了一张十二行六列的大表。每个人的年龄、职业、收入、婚否、孩子数量、买房没有，整整齐齐。
有人问我："你这是干什么呢？"
"做个表。"我说。
"为什么？"
我也不知道为什么。表格题做多了，看到什么都想填进去。填空、定位、核对字数限制，一套动作行云流水。
散场的时候，老王拍着我的肩膀说："兄弟，你把咱们这些人的底细都记下来了，是不是要办什么大事？"
我看着表格，突然发现一个问题：最后一列，Notes，我给每个人都写了一句备注。
老王那栏写的是："吹牛。" 老李那栏写的是："可能没结婚。" 我自己那栏写的是："失业。"
老王凑过来看了一眼，脸色变了："你自己写的失业？"
我合上手机，平静地说："原文（我妈上周的原话）说的是'暂时没工作'。'失业'不等于'暂时'。应该是 NOT GIVEN。"
——雅思表格题教会我最重要的事：把朋友做成表格不可怕，可怕的是你给自己那一行也填了 FALSE。
English Version
After two weeks of drilling table-completion questions, I developed PTSD around the word "table."
At a class reunion, the moment I sat down, Old Wang started introducing himself: "Me, thirty-five, internet industry, annual salary half a million—"
I reflexively pulled out my phone and opened the notes app.
Column one: Name. Old Wang. Column two: Age. 35. Column three: Occupation. Internet. Column four: Salary. 500,000.
"What are you doing?" Old Wang asked.
"Filling in a table," I said. "Go on."
"Go on with what?"
"Marital status."
Old Wang blinked. "…Married. I have a daughter."
I wrote in column five: Marital status: married. Column six: Children: 1 daughter.
Then Old Li sat down. "Old Wang, stop bragging. That's not 'internet industry,' that's food delivery—"
I immediately started a new row.
Name: Old Li. Age: ?
I looked up at him. "How old are you?"
"Forty-two. Why are you asking?"
Occupation: self-employed. Salary: ?
"How much do you make a month?" I pressed.
Old Li looked at me warily. "Are you running a household census?"
The core rule of table completion: answers must come from the text. No making things up. If the text doesn't say, leave it blank. I drew a dash under Salary and wrote "NOT GIVEN."
By the end of the dinner, I had a six-column table with twelve rows. Everyone's age, occupation, income, marriage, children, home ownership — neatly filled in.
Someone asked, "What are you doing?"
"Making a table," I said.
"Why?"
I didn't know why. After enough table questions, you want to fill everything in. Locate, match, check the word limit — the whole routine flows automatically.
As the party broke up, Old Wang clapped me on the shoulder. "You've got all our details written down. You planning something?"
I looked at the table and suddenly noticed a problem: in the last column, Notes, I'd written a remark for everyone.
For Old Wang: "Braggart." For Old Li: "Maybe unmarried." For myself: "Unemployed."
Old Wang leaned over, saw it, and his face changed. "You wrote 'unemployed' for yourself?"
I closed my phone calmly and said, "The original text (my mom's words last week) said 'temporarily between jobs.' 'Unemployed' ≠ 'temporarily.' It should be NOT GIVEN."
— The most important thing table completion taught me: it's not scary to turn your friends into a table. What's scary is when you write FALSE in your own row.
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