雅思搞笑故事 20：分类题做太多，我在超市把东西分进了三个category
练了两周的 classification，我的大脑变成了一个分类器。
去超市买菜，推着手推车，我开始下意识地分类。
Category A: 蔬菜。Category B: 肉类。Category C: 零食。
拿起一颗白菜——A。放进左边。 拿起一块牛排——B。放进中间。 拿起一包薯片——C。放进右边。
推车里三条道，泾渭分明。
旁边一个阿姨看了我半天，忍不住问："小伙子，你这是在摆摊位呢？"
"分类，"我说，"蔬菜、肉类、零食，三个 category。"
阿姨说："超市不都有分类吗？你推车上分什么？"
我没法解释。分类题做多了，看到什么都想塞进 A/B/C。
走到调料区，我拿起一瓶酱油。
A？不对，酱油不是蔬菜。B？不是肉。C？也不算零食。
我愣住了。这道题做不出来——原文里没有给酱油这个选项。
分类题的铁律：必须从给定选项里选，不能自己编。酱油不属于 A、B、C 任何一个。那它是什么？
我站在货架前，举着酱油瓶，脑内飞速旋转。
阿姨又凑过来："你到底买不买？后面排队呢。"
"等一下，"我说，"这个没选项。"
"什么选项？"
"A、B、C。"
阿姨看我的眼神像看一个病人。她把酱油从我手里拿回去，放回货架，然后从旁边拿了一瓶醋塞进我手里。"那这个呢？这个有选项吗？"
我看着醋。"也没有。"
她深吸一口气，说："小伙子，你是不是考研考傻了？"
结账的时候，收银员扫了一遍条码，说："一共一百二十七块八。"
我脑子里立刻弹出三个选项：
A: 超过一百。 B: 一百到一百三。 C: 一百三以上。
"Answer: B，"我脱口而出。
收银员抬头："什么 B？"
"在 A 和 C 之间。"
她默默地把袋子递给我，小声说了一句："下次别一个人出来买菜了。"
——雅思分类题最大的后遗症：你看到任何东西都想问一句——这是 A，是 B，还是 C？而收银员只想问你：你是不是疯了？
English Version
After two weeks of drilling classification questions, my brain turned into a classifier.
Grocery shopping, pushing a trolley, I started sorting automatically.
Category A: vegetables. Category B: meat. Category C: snacks.
Pick up a cabbage — A. Put it on the left. Pick up a steak — B. Put it in the middle. Pick up a bag of chips — C. Put it on the right.
Three lanes in the trolley, perfectly separated.
An auntie beside me watched for a long while, then couldn't help asking, "Young man, are you setting up a stall?"
"Classifying," I said. "Vegetables, meat, snacks. Three categories."
She said, "The supermarket already categorizes everything. What are you sorting in your trolley for?"
I couldn't explain it. After enough classification questions, you want to shove everything into A/B/C.
In the condiment aisle, I picked up a bottle of soy sauce.
A? No, soy sauce isn't a vegetable. B? Not meat. C? Not really a snack either.
I froze. I couldn't solve this one — the question didn't offer soy sauce as an option.
The iron rule of classification: you must choose from the given options. You can't make up your own. Soy sauce doesn't belong in A, B, or C. So what is it?
I stood in front of the shelf, holding up the soy sauce, brain spinning.
The auntie came over again. "Are you buying it or not? There's a queue behind you."
"Wait," I said. "There's no option for this."
"What do you mean, no option?"
"A, B, C."
She looked at me like I was a patient. She took the soy sauce out of my hand, put it back on the shelf, then grabbed a bottle of vinegar and shoved it at me. "What about this one? Does this have an option?"
I looked at the vinegar. "Nope."
She took a deep breath. "Young man, did grad school break you?"
At checkout, the cashier scanned everything and said, "That'll be one hundred and twenty-seven eighty."
Three options immediately popped into my head:
A: Over a hundred. B: Between a hundred and a hundred-thirty. C: Over a hundred-thirty.
"Answer: B," I blurted.
The cashier looked up. "What B?"
"Between A and C."
She silently handed me the bags and muttered, "Next time, don't come grocery shopping alone."
— The worst side effect of IELTS classification questions: you look at everything and wonder — is it A, B, or C? The cashier just wants to know: are you insane?
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