雅思搞笑故事 22：Part 2练到停不下来，我在考官面前讲了二十分钟
口语老师说：Part 2最怕冷场，流利度最重要，"keep talking, keep talking"。
我把这句话刻进了脑子里。
考试那天，考官递来题卡："Describe a person who inspired you."
一分钟准备。我疯狂列提纲：爷爷、种菜、坚持、教会我不放弃。
计时器一响，我开口了。
"Speaking of a person who inspired me, I'd like to talk about my grandfather. He is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most inspiring person I've ever met..."
两分钟到了。考官没有打断我。
她看着我，好像在等我自己停。
但我停不下来。老师说过，不能停，停了流利度就扣分。于是我继续讲爷爷种菜的细节——他怎么选种子，怎么浇水，手上的茧子有多厚。
"Furthermore, he used to say..."
五分钟过去了。考官开始看表。
我没停。我讲到爷爷教我骑自行车，讲到他八十岁还在晨跑，讲到他去年种的那棵柿子树今年终于结果了。
十分钟过去了。考官放下笔，身体后仰。
我越讲越嗨，开始引申到人生哲学："This experience has, to a certain extent, shaped my worldview..."
十五分钟。考场外有人经过，探头看了一眼，大概以为里面在讲脱口秀。
二十分钟。考官终于举手："OK, thank you."
我刹不住车："And finally, I would say that my grandfather is not just..."
"Thank you，"她又说了一遍，语气像在叫停一辆失控的火车。
我闭上嘴。喉咙干得像沙漠。
考官合上评分表，沉默了几秒。"Part 3我们下次再说。"
走出考场，我给老师发消息："流利度应该满分了吧？我讲了二十分钟没停。"
老师回了一个省略号。
后来我才知道，考官那天在评分表流利度一栏写的是：Excessively fluent. Unable to stop.
我妈打电话问我考得怎么样，我说："别催，我还能讲一个小时。"
——雅思口语最讽刺的地方：老师教你别停，结果你真的停不下来。流利度九分，沟通零分。
English Version
My speaking teacher said: "In Part 2, the worst thing is going silent. Fluency is everything — keep talking, keep talking."
I engraved that sentence into my skull.
On exam day, the examiner handed me the cue card: "Describe a person who inspired you."
One minute to prepare. I frantically scribbled an outline: grandpa, growing vegetables, persistence, taught me never to give up.
The timer beeped. I opened my mouth.
"Speaking of a person who inspired me, I'd like to talk about my grandfather. He is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most inspiring person I've ever met..."
Two minutes were up. The examiner didn't stop me.
She looked at me as if waiting for me to stop on my own.
But I couldn't. My teacher had said: don't pause, pausing kills your fluency score. So I kept going — into the details of how my grandpa grew vegetables: how he chose his seeds, how he watered them, how thick the calluses on his hands were.
"Furthermore, he used to say..."
Five minutes passed. The examiner started glancing at her watch.
I didn't stop. I moved on to how he taught me to ride a bike, how he still jogged at eighty, how the persimmon tree he planted last year finally bore fruit.
Ten minutes. The examiner put down her pen and leaned back.
I was getting carried away, drifting into life philosophy: "This experience has, to a certain extent, shaped my worldview..."
Fifteen minutes. Someone walked past the exam room and peeked in — probably assuming a stand-up comedy set was happening inside.
Twenty minutes. The examiner finally raised her hand. "OK, thank you."
I couldn't hit the brakes: "And finally, I would say that my grandfather is not just—"
"Thank you," she repeated, sounding like someone trying to stop a runaway train.
I shut my mouth. My throat was drier than a desert.
The examiner closed her scoring sheet and paused for a few seconds. "We'll leave Part 3 for another day."
Walking out, I texted my teacher: "Fluency should be a nine, right? I talked for twenty minutes without stopping."
My teacher replied with an ellipsis.
Only later did I learn what she'd written on the scoring sheet for fluency: Excessively fluent. Unable to stop.
Then my mom called to ask how it went. I said: "Don't rush me, I could talk for another hour."
— The cruelest irony of IELTS speaking: your teacher tells you never to stop, and then you actually can't. Fluency nine, communication zero.
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