雅思搞笑故事 05：背了一个月ubiquitous，我看什么都"无处不在"
我背到了ubiquitous这个词。
"Existing or being everywhere at the same time." 无处不在。
老师说这个词高级，考官一听就知道你词汇量有7分以上。我如获至宝。
第二天早上出门，我看见公交车上全是人。我的第一反应："Buses are ubiquitous."
走进办公室，同事们都在喝咖啡。我脱口而出："Coffee is ubiquitous in the workplace."
老板走过来，拍了拍我的肩："你最近气色不错。"
我下意识地说："Thank you. Compliments are ubiquitous in this office."
老板愣了一下。"什么？"
"无处不在，"我解释道，"You know, ubiquitous. Advanced vocabulary."
老板转身走了。我听见他跟旁边的人说："他最近是不是压力太大了？"
我没有在意。因为我看见窗外有两只鸟飞过。"Birds are ubiquitous."
中午吃饭，食堂里全是米饭。"Rice is ubiquitous."
下午开会，投影仪坏了。"Technical failures are ubiquitous in modern offices."
同事偷偷在桌子底下给我发消息："你没事吧？"
我回复："Concern from colleagues is ubiquitous. Thank you."
她把手机收了回去。
晚上回家，我妈做了西红柿炒鸡蛋。我夹了一筷子，由衷地说："Tomato and egg is ubiquitous in Chinese households."
我妈看了我爸一眼。"他是不是在外面受刺激了？"
我爸推了推眼镜。"IELTS vocabulary is ubiquitous in his conversation now."
我震惊了。我爸居然会用ubiquitous！
"爸，你怎么知道这个词？"
"你每天晚上背单词都念出声，"我爸说，"ubiquitous, ubiquitous, ubiquitous. 整个楼道都ubiquitous了。"
我突然意识到一个问题：我好像把ubiquitous当成了万能形容词。任何东西，我都能说它"无处不在"。
但转念一想，这有什么不好？在雅思考试里，考官只看你用没用高级词汇，不看你用得对不对。
第二天口语考试，考官问我："Describe something you use every day."
我想了想，说："Smartphones are ubiquitous. They are everywhere. People use them everywhere. Phones are ubiquitous. Ubiquitous."
考官在评分表上写了一个数字。
"Vocabulary: 5.0."
我不服。"But I used 'ubiquitous' three times!"
"Exactly,"考官说，"That's the problem."
——雅思词汇教会我最重要的一件事：背了一个高级词，不要逢人就说。因为ubiquitous用多了，它就真的变成了ubiquitous——哪儿都是，哪儿都不值钱。
English Version
I came across the word "ubiquitous."
"Existing or being everywhere at the same time."
My teacher said this word was advanced — the moment an examiner hears it, they know your vocabulary is at band 7. I clung to it like a lifeline.
The next morning, I stepped outside and saw the bus packed with people. My first thought: "Buses are ubiquitous."
I walked into the office. Colleagues were drinking coffee. It just slipped out: "Coffee is ubiquitous in the workplace."
My boss walked over and patted my shoulder. "You look well lately."
I said instinctively: "Thank you. Compliments are ubiquitous in this office."
My boss paused. "What?"
"Ubiquitous," I explained. "You know, ubiquitous. Advanced vocabulary."
My boss walked away. I heard him tell someone nearby: "Is he under too much pressure lately?"
I didn't care. I saw two birds fly past the window. "Birds are ubiquitous."
At lunch, the cafeteria was all rice. "Rice is ubiquitous."
Afternoon meeting, the projector broke. "Technical failures are ubiquitous in modern offices."
A colleague secretly messaged me under the desk: "Are you okay?"
I replied: "Concern from colleagues is ubiquitous. Thank you."
She put her phone away.
That evening, I came home. My mom had made tomato and egg. I took a bite and said sincerely: "Tomato and egg is ubiquitous in Chinese households."
My mom glanced at my dad. "Did something happen to him outside?"
My dad pushed up his glasses. "IELTS vocabulary is ubiquitous in his conversation now."
I was stunned. My dad actually knew "ubiquitous"!
"Dad, how do you know this word?"
"You recite it out loud every night while studying," my dad said. "Ubiquitous, ubiquitous, ubiquitous. The whole hallway is ubiquitous now."
I suddenly realised something: I'd turned "ubiquitous" into a universal adjective. Anything and everything, I could describe as "everywhere."
But then I thought — what's wrong with that? In the IELTS exam, the examiner only checks whether you used advanced vocabulary, not whether you used it correctly.
The next day, in my speaking test, the examiner asked me: "Describe something you use every day."
I thought for a moment. "Smartphones are ubiquitous. They are everywhere. People use them everywhere. Phones are ubiquitous. Ubiquitous."
The examiner wrote a number on the scoring sheet.
"Vocabulary: 5.0."
I protested. "But I used 'ubiquitous' three times!"
"Exactly," the examiner said. "That's the problem."
— The most important thing IELTS vocabulary taught me: after memorising an advanced word, don't drop it into every sentence. Because the more you say "ubiquitous," the more it actually becomes ubiquitous — everywhere, and worth nothing.
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